Earthly things
by sasukeuzumaki001
Summary: possibly a collection of oneshots about our resident transformers discovering things about earth prompts needed to continue rated T for possible language please review so i can keep the fic going third fic up
1. Story 1: Ironhide, Jazz and Music

**A little plot bunny that hit me, i might make this into a oneshot series, need some prompts so they can continue ^^...**

**oh one more thing... I OWN NOTHING **

**EDIT: THANKYOU TO vanillathunder215 for the spelling correction ^^ and special thanks for being my first reviewer (for this fic) ^^ ooh and for the tips ^^**

**story 1...Sometimes, just sometimes Ironhide could put up with the human music Jazz could come up with...**

It was one of those days on the Diego Garcia base of operations, a slow day and for a mech like Ironhide slow days when he didn't get to use his cannons are a day wasted. It didn't help that Jazz was also bored, because a bored Jazz meant music, and some of the music Jazz played... quite loudly... from his speakers could be nothing short of insulting. After all who in their right mind would want to hear or for that matter sing about 'bluffing with muffins' Ironhide didn't even know what that meant, and he wasn't going to lower himself to the point of completing a google search to find out. He had already googled the singer and it brought enough results with out having to scar himself further thank-you very much, so Ironhide had his sensors on high alert for Jazz showing up with some other potentially confusing and most lightly obscene noise spewing from his speakers... Speak of the devil he had just heard Jazz coming along, that of course was judging from the noise that was accompanying the footsteps, Ironhide sat up to watch the door, and even had his mouth open to say something to the smaller silver mech when the music started to clear up and he could understand the words properly the song appeared to be ending or the chorus was the current part of the song playing, Jazz came in wiggling around in what from what Ironhide had seen of humans was a very good impression of a human rock star, while putting in actions to mimic the lyrics of the song.

_'I'm comin' down with the new style and you know it's buck wild  
Everybody, everybody come on!_

_Come on, comon  
Everybody come on!  
Come on, comon  
Click Click Boom!'_

Ironhide raised an optic ridge at the end of the song sending a pointed look to Jazz who looked over.

"Hey there 'Hide, like the song?" Ironhide titled his head slightly.

"Was that a song bout cannons?" he asked sounding curious, Jazz was silent for a few moments, then he smiled and laighed slightly,

"I guess it was" he finally answered.

"You mean, humans don't only sing obscene things" Jazz smiled a little and giggled again.

"No, some of them sing normal stuff, and some even sing about cannons, but then I guess normal is in the eye of the beholder." Ironhide pondered for a few more moments,

"What other songs is there about cannons?" Jazz smiled, and seemed to ponder for a few moments himself before saying,

"Hollywood undead mention guns in this song" he said before playing a small snippet of a song,

_You make me wanna run around pulling my guns out and shit_

Ironhide seemed to like it as he nodded Jazz seemed to be enjoying himself as well, as for the next half an hour the two mechs sat together in the rec room discussing what songs Ironhide would like, the majority of them having something to do with guns, cannons or something blowing up in some way shape or form.

By the end of the day, Ironhide had decided that maybe, just maybe, some earth music could be tolerable, and maybe some of the human members of NEST had risen in levels of respect from the big black mech when they had commented on some of he music from Jazz saying it was a good song, or band here and there.

**songs:**

**Pokerface - Lady GaGa**

**Click Click Boom - Saliva**

**Undead - Hollywood udead**


	2. Story 2: Everyone and Hide and Seek

**Second chapter... our resident bots get to play a little game...**

**complete with 'blending in like a ninja' and 'condoms in necks' (that last one really happened, it as rather funny actually, but its a total inside joke, the whole chapter is really )**

**Story 2: Really now... They where 20 foot high robots, this should not be possible....**

Ironhide and Optimus watched in mild amusement and slight curiosity as Sam ran as quietly as he could past the two mechs then proceeded to climb into one of the many transformer sized boxes from recent deliveries. Sam then fell silent and dint move the two mechs looked to one another with a frown, Sam didn't move or make a sound for the next 10 minutes, and in that 10 minutes the afore mentioned mechs where joined by Ratchet, Skids, Mudflap, Jazz, Jolt and Sideswipe. And after another 5 minutes Mikala came into the room and began to look round, Ratchet broke the silence and asked the question that was floating around everyone's processors.

"What is it you are doing?"

"Oh, um....we are playing hide and seek" Mikala said with a smile,

"What is the purpose of it?" Ratchet asked, Mikala stood up from where she had been lying on the floor,

"Well one person has to count, while the other people playing have to hide somewhere, then the person counting has to find the people hiding, and usually the first person found has to count next, the last one to be found is the winner." Mikala said while looking in the box Sam was hiding in.

"Hey Sam" Sam jumped up and then climbed out of the box.

"That sounds like fun" Jazz said with a grin.

Sam grinned back,

"Yeah but its even better in the dark." Jazz grin grew bigger

"Hide and seek in the dark anyone?" he asked, Sam smiled.....

4 hours later at about 10pm...

And all through the base, was silence, it was dark and quiet, a game of hide and seek in the dark in full swing... OK, that's a complete lie.... in this game it was anything but quiet.... especially since...

"HEY BRO... YO BLENDIN' IN WIT CHA SURROUNDIN'S?" Mudflap's distinct voice rang down a hall

"YO BETTER BELIEVE I AM.... LIKE A NINJA YO, NOW SHUT YO FACE FOOL OR YO GONNA GET YO SORRY AFT CAUGHT" Skids' voice shouted back.

Silence once again fell, and one by one the transformers and humans where found, and headed back for the designated 'found room' this room was set side with no hiding allowed in it, a room with the lights turned on for those who didn't want to play the game or had been found could go, rather than sit in the dark. Everyone was assembled in the room and the next round was about to begin when...

"Hey where's Bee?" Epps asked, silence fell in the room as everyone released that the yellow bot still had not been found, Ironhide broke the silence.

"How in the slaggin' pit can a 16 foot high robot have not been found?" he asked the room at large

"Well, I guess he's putting his training to good use, I mean he is a scout its his job to be hidden" Ratchet replied, groans sounded throughout the room from all of the transformer's as they all realized as one that Bumblebee wasn't going to be found unless he wanted to be. Sam then tried the simple approach

"Bee, you win you can come out now" there was silence in reply until Bumblebee suddenly walked into the room, everyone slapped themselves (mentally of course) when they found out that Bumblebee had simply hid behind one of the couches in the rec room.

And so began the next round...

Silence reigned for approximately 5 minutes while everyone ran around in an eerily quiet way considering who was playing this game in one room Will was curled up in the corner with the Sec Def in another

"You know, I never thought I would be playing this again" Will said quietly,

"You and Me Both" John replied,

"Its not natural that someone as big as the Autobots can move that quietly" he added, even though it was dark Will nodded violently in agreement. As for the others, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, Ironhide, Optimus, Mikala and Sam had ended up in the same room as Skids and Mudflap, and thus had to deal with their random shouting, what had became more like whispering since they where both in the same room.

"This is what you call blendin' in like a ninja." Skids said sounding slightly more excited about that than he should have, several sighs rang out at Skids' word, but then everyone couldn't help but stuff their fists in their mouths to stop them laughing out loud at Mudflap's reply.

"Shut up fool or I'll blend ma fist in yo face." though their battle was lost spectacularly when.

"I'VE GOT CONDOMS DIGGING IN MY NECK" rang down the hall, Sam promptly started rolling around banging his fists on the floor he was laughing so hard, the transformer's just looked confused Mikala was laughing as well, and thus several people due to how hard they where laughing where found pretty quickly by Jazz, and 10 minutes later the creator of the line that had everyone so giggly walked in the room, storming over to will.

"WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND HIDES THEM UNDER THEIR MATRESS WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH YOU" Wills eyes went wide,

"What's wrong with me? I should ask you that, what's wrong with your own bed"

"OK I think that's enough for one night" Mikala said after she finally calmed down, she then emphasized the point by yawning quite loudly. All the humans then left the room after bidding good night to each other and the transformer's. It was after everyone had gone that the question was put forward

"Whats a condom?" from non other than Bumblebee, every transformer in the room sighed none wanted to be the one responsible for explaining that to bumblebee. Jazz suddenly got an evil idea

"Ask the humans in the morning" Bumblebee chirped

"OK, g'night" and with that the yellow scout was also gone....


	3. Story 3: the transformers and youtube

_**Still hunting for requests/ideas for more oneshots of you guys**_

_**please r+r so i know what you think**_

_**Story 3: It was only a matter of time... Really it was...**_

It was another quiet day at Diego Garcia, and this one was really one that everyone both human and transformer was happy had come along, the world now knew of the transformers existence, it had been a busy week of meeting with people, lots and lots of people.

Ironhide was perfectly willing to slip into an afternoon recharge when roaring laughter rang down the hall way, Optimus who had been regally stretched out over the transformer sized couch his helm resting on Ironhide's leg raised his head a little in curiosity, both the mechs looked at one other and decided silently to go and investigate as Ratchet walked in also looking curious.

Sam wondered in clutching his sides while laughing hard

"Y-You guys-haha-got ha-to come see this" Sam then proceeded to continue laughing before he looked up,

"On-hehe-second thought-haha- get everyone to come and see, this deserves a big screen viewing"

Ironhide, Optimus and Ratchet shared a look,

_"what do you think Optimus?" Ironhide asked over their internal coms as another round of roaring laughter rang down the hall_

_"I think we should indulge the humans" Optimus replied_

_"All autobots to the main control room, it seems that our human friends have something they wish to show us" _Optimus said, sending out a com message to all of the autobots at once as he stooped down to pick up the still giggling Sam and heading for the said mentioned room where on arrival they found most of the humans gathered around one screen and giggling or litterly rolling on the floor from laughing.

Optimus placed Sam on the ground where with a push of a button teletrans screen went black signifying a full screen video on youtube.

All of this happened as the other Autobots arrived in the room all looking curious, several having heard the roaring laughter.

Sam cleared his throat

"Ladies, Gentlemen and Gentlemechs, I give you the reason why the world knowing about you lot may not be so bad after all" he said, Will stood up and took a deep breaths to calm himself

"A few things you should know are, that there is an anime which is Japanese animation called Lucky star, this is what this video is based off, and there are some amazing artists out there on this planet, and so this was the outcome of both of these, Epps hit it"

Epps saluted mockingly before hitting a button to play the video...

there was complete and utter silence for several minutes after the video while what the mechs had seen sank in Ironhide shuttered his optics several times, Bumblebee was shaking with silent laughter, alongside Sideswipe and Jazz, but everyone, both human and Autobot had turned to look at Optimus to see his reaction to the aparent Lucky star dancing Megatron and Minions, of which up to now there had been no reaction at all

"Prime?" Ironhide asked when there was no response "Optimus? you still in there?" still there was no response so Ironhide did the first thing that came to his processors and also showed that maybe the bots had really spent to much time around humans, he raised his finger and gave Optimus and good prod, right in the middle of his forehead, the reaction was instantaneous, Optimus burst into roaring laughter, he laughed so hard that energon tears rolled how his face plates, and he actually had to grip his middle in pain because of the straining cables, Optimus leaned heavily on the wall for several moments s he tried in vain to calm himself down. Optimus' reaction told everyone else it was ok to laugh too and he was quickly joined by Bumblebee, Sideswipe and Jazz who wouldn't have been able to keep their laughter in much longer anyway.

-Time Skip....2 days-

It had been two days since they had seen the video, two days of Optimus Prime randomly giggling at the slightest uttering of the word deception, more than one autobot believed without a shadow of a doubt that Optimus had downloaded it into his processors, and had probably watched it several more times, Ironhide was one bot who could back that up, he had returned to their quarters several times to find the red and blue flamed bot lying on the birth vents straining under his howling laughter. This was cause for great amusement for most of the autobots, others... not so much.

Naming a few, Ratchet and Ironhide both worried that if the deceptions' showed up that Optimus would be too busy laughing to pay attention to the potentially lethal weapons the deceptions had, they only hoped that if the worst came to the worst, the deceptions' would be too confused by Optimus' roaring laughter to shoot anything.

-another time skip....3 days this time-

three faithful days, 5 since the showing of the video was when the deceptions' decided they wanted to remind the autobots that there was still a war and that they where still alive, the small fight went well, Optimus was fighting and managing to keep a marginally straight face, with only the odd giggle escaping him, it was Megatron's arrival that ended that, he landed on the ground, transformed, and didn't even have time to move or speak before his optics where widening and his jaw dropping open in shock as he stared at Optimus who had promptly fallen to the floor roaring with laughter. Megatron Blinked, then reset his audios, nope it wasn't a glitch, he turned to the autobot medic... Catchet?...Hatchet? whatever, the medic who was looking at his leader and shaking his head, he shook himself slightly then spoke

"Is he glitching?" he asked with a frown, Ratchet blew air out of his vents in the cybertronian version of a sigh and shook his head

"No actually he isn't" - Ratchet

"Then what's wrong with him?" - Megatron

"trust me you don't want to know" - Ironhide this time, Megatron seemed to contemplate the black mechs words carefully before

"I do" he said, Megatron had no sooner finished speaking before a data burst was sent to him from a bot that was shielding their signature the data burst held a link and Megatron could see that it had been sent to all of the deceptions, he followed the link and what he saw was utterly disturbing...

"What?...What?..." Megatron promptly off lined from shock which sent poor Optimus who was just recovering into another rather painful fit of laughter

from the sidelines Sam, Will and Epps and several other humans where watching

"Well i vote that we never show the autobots a youtube video again" Sam said

"I dunno, I love how we now have a pretty good idea of what a decked 28 foot alien robot looks like" Epps said

Will just grinned

"who's up for showing them that Jigsaw falls video?"

Sam ad Epps shared a look then both burst out laughing and nodded

**end**

**mentioned videos:**

**deceptions licky star: http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=vz8laViiexc (take out spaces)**

**Jigsaw falls: http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=sKFpFmQSeGs (take out spaces)**


End file.
